Soft spots are what I love to explore with my clients – how can we become supported enough in ourselves that we can be receptive, available, open to the other and connection. Yes, we need our hardness too and our ability to express ourselves. Yet, if we don’t know what is inside of us, the parts that we might hide from our friends and our lovers and yes, ourselves, then how do we express what is true?

Gestaltists say that happiness is not the goal, it arrives with the sense of open-ness which is a by-product of our relational approach. Finding the joy of life, knowing we are able to be what we want to be, including our wounds in our sense of self, trusting not only ourselves but others, trusting there will always be a next step for us, a ground under our feet – these are the fruits of “the work.” But we know we live in a society in which the work is never done, the fruit is never harvested, in which the moments of victory never seem to last long before we are onto the next thing. Because of this moments of expansion, of joy, pass us by, and we spend thousands of dollars on addictions and holidays to try to make happiness a goal.

Rumi, a famous Sufi poet asked: “Do you make regular visits to yourself?” In answering his question, I have realized that riding my bike that sunny summer afternoon I was being a poor visitor to myself, a jittery guest who was uneasy, impatient and hungry for more excitement, who was going in and out of being present. I have realized that riding my bicycle that day, I was actually riding on my thoughts with the bicycle, disconnected from my body.

The root of the word resolution is to loosen, to become free of (as to resolve). Here are eight Gestalt-inspired resolutions you can choose from to begin 2017 with more freedom.

For some of us, the month of December means family gatherings which are an opportunity to meet in a new way any of those people who have pushed our buttons in previous gatherings. For those of us for whom such events come at another time of year, this teaching may be pulled out again on those special occasions. Of course it is not necessary to wait for special occasions – opportunities to confront button pushers come every day.