The most challenging part of our training is understanding the language of the body as expressed through gestures such as clenching of the fist, looking down or away, holding of tension, alteration in blood flow to the face or other body part. Because we have learned from earliest childhood to withhold facial and body expressions such as attraction, revulsion, disappointment, joy, we are often misread and misunderstood by one another. An exquisite sensitivity must be developed to sense and respond to subtle exchanges of energy and posture that are really screaming to be seen and heard.

At one time in the history of human community it was essential to “read” our neighbors, our loved ones or our enemies without words, with simple knowing that a body tells our intention when words do not. A handshake spoke of friend or foe. We also trusted our body responses far more than we do today; now experts have taken over the diagnosis of our body symptoms and doubt and stress cloud our self trust.

I was asked this question: When we are out on the street we tend to notice only the stereotypical aspects of people—their clothes, status, racial or cultural aspects, gender. How do you see past that to the person?

Good question. There are strong social taboos around our bodies and those of others. In a recent workshop on shame people generated more shameful body responses than any other type of shame. When we break open the taboos around looking at our own bodies we are able to look at others with compassion and understanding and see through the stereotypical features of a person and into their stance, their walk, their carriage, their tensions and holdings. In our body language we find a common humanity. Body language is the original communication, which we were never taught and to which parents and teachers rarely responded. As in recent work with babies and parents, true resonance between people can only happen at the body level where “I see you” meets “I have a response to you.”

Out of that seeing and response a third force is created where we step together into the always new ever changing co-created present.